The Soft Unfolding of Will

3rd day of the 7th moon, 1162 HC

There's a knock on the door. Mulsae nods to Hanna, who hides under the covers, and nods to Damion who disappears into the bathing chamber. Mulsae opens the door and two servants come in bearing dinner trays. They squeeze the trays onto the small table and depart.

"Okay, you can come out," Mulsae says carefully. Damion steps out of the bathing chamber, and Hanna tentatively pushes her head out from under the covers. They had to hide to keep up the show of them being pets.

Mulsae uncovers the trays and brings a plate over to Hanna, "I selected food that should be easy for you to eat. It's all food you can eat with your fingers. I thought that would be easier for you."

Hanna snakes out one hand and accepts the plate silently. She looks it over then snakes out her other hand and picks up a cube of cheese and nibbles on it with a trembling hand.

"Thank you," she whispers softly.

Mulsae smiles warmly, then turns to sit at the table.

I'm going to have to tell her how she's going to be expected to eat in public, Mulsae laments.

It's a difficult one to get through. Being hand fed is a large source of humiliation, Damion reminds him.

Gods, I don't want to have to humiliate her, Mulsae presses his palms into his eyes.

Zudaeshi is going to expect her to be humiliated.

Mulsae looks over at Damion grief-stricken. *And it's all my fault.

Both you and the other human share the blame.* Damion faces him plainly, sugar coating nothing.

The three finish their plates in silence. Hanna puts her empty plate down on the bed and wraps the blankets tighter around her.

Damion picks up the blanket off the floor and wraps it around his head and shoulders like a cloak. He then crawls up onto the foot of the bed and leans against the bed's post, facing Hanna.

"When Mulsae first took me, my comfort was sitting in front of the fire and warming my wings." Hanna looks up at him with surprisingly clear eyes. "I didn't have free access to the bed and blankets until a couple weeks in," he snuggles into the blanket, "Being wrapped up in this is nice. Does it make you feel better?" Hanna nods slowly.

Damion gives her a soft smile, "I'm glad," he says simply, "Sometimes, just having something warm around you helps," he fluffs up the blanket around his shoulders, "Like you've still got a layer of safety."

Hanna's eyes drop to the folds of blanket in her lap. She touches the fabric like it might vanish. "It does feel... safer."

Mulsae watches her from the table, careful not to crowd. "You did well today," he says softly, "You moved. You ate. You talked to us." Hanna tucks her chin slightly, unsure whether to be proud or ashamed.

Mulsae adds, "If you feel up for it later, there's a comb on the counter in the bathing chamber. You don't need to do anything with it, but it's there. Just... if brushing your hair would feel good."

Damion hums his agreement from the foot of the bed, "Little comforts help. A comb. A story. A blanket. That's how we get through this place."

Mulsae tries to smirk, "You could comb and braid Damion's hair, if you'd like. He'd love it." Damion blushes a bright red. Hanna glances between the two of them surprised.

There's a long silence. Hanna looks over at Mulsae shyly. Then, in a voice so faint it's almost missed, she asks, "Will you read to me again?"

Mulsae's throat tightens, but he shows a warm smile, "Of course. I'd be happy to."

=*=

Hanna is asleep, curled deep beneath the blankets, her breathing slow and steady. Damion has drifted off, too, wrapped up in his own blanket across the foot of the bed, one arm tucked under his head. They fell asleep to Mulsae reading to them short stories from the human lands.

Mulsae now lies on the floor with his hands folded over his chest, staring up at the darkened ceiling. He doesn't move. Doesn't blink. Just breathes.

She asked me to read to her. He closes his eyes, then opens them again. The ceiling hasn't changed.

He didn't coerce her. He didn't strike her. Didn't even raise his voice. He read her a story, offered her warmth, and coaxed her into eating.

And tomorrow... or the next day... he'll have to convince her to kneel. To bow. To open her mouth so he can feed her in public like a pet. He'll have to strip her down and put her on display.

And she'll do it. Because she'll grow to trust him. His throat tightens. He presses his fingertips against his forehead like he could massage the thought away.

What's the difference? What is the difference between hurting someone into obedience, and earning their obedience with warmth, if the result is the same? If the same people will watch, and laugh, and see her humiliated?

If she kneels at his feet, just as Damion does, does it matter that she does it willingly? Zudaeshi won't see the difference. She'll laugh the same either way.

But I will know.

It feels like manipulation. It feels like he's still using someone fragile as a shield for himself.

He pictures the way Damion looked at him, back when Damion first began to trust him again. Pictures Hanna sitting quietly, her voice small and rough when she asked 'Will you read to me again?'

He wants to believe there's a difference. But if she kneels in the end, what does that make him? He closes his eyes again, lets the silence press in.

He can sense what she's dreaming right now, it's soft and fragile and quiet. Maybe that's worth something. Maybe mercy and manipulation aren't so far apart in this place.

He breathes. He doesn't sleep.

=*=

4th day of the 7th moon, 1162 HC

Damion crawled off the foot of the bed and joined Mulsae on the floor at some point in the night. He slept soundly while Mulsae has spent hours watching Hanna's dreams. She has been relaxed and sleeping deeply. Maybe that means he's approaching this the right way.

Hanna snaps awake. As soon as she realizes she isn't home, a bolt of awareness shoots through her. She tightens her hold on the blankets. She's nervous, but not terrified. She's nervous of who Mulsae is, but not terrified of him any longer. She appears to have warmer feelings as she recalls Damion.

Mulsae gives her some time to gather her thoughts and adjust before stirring. He stands and walks to her side of the bed. Damion wakes and watches him. Mulsae crouches down next to Hanna and she turns those big blue eyes toward him.

He doesn't smile, that would be creepy. He keeps his face neutral as he softly says, "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

She twitches once but says quietly, "I'm scared."

"I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me. I wish I could make things less scary for you."

She looks down and back up at him, "I believe you."

At that, Mulsae can't help a small smile from growing on his lips. "Thank you," he murmurs.

"You have some choices right now," he begins, "You can stay here in bed, or you can try to move about and stretch your legs."

She sits up and lets a blanket fall off her shoulder, "I'd like to get up."

Mulsae's smile grows warmer, "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to do that. You can walk around the room, explore even, you could poke through our cabinets and drawers. You could just come sit at the table. You could take a bath. I could have breakfast brought to us. Does anything seem good to you?"

She sits up straighter, "I'd like to take a bath."

Worry sinks into Mulsae's gut. He sifts through her thoughts a little closer to ensure she'll take a bath safely. She does feel dirty. She wants to wash up and feel clean. Nothing about wanting to hurt herself. Thank gods.

"Okay, you can take a bath," he stands up. Damion shifts and moves into a sitting position in front of the fire. Mulsae walks over to the wardrobe and opens it.

Hanna slowly drags her legs to hang over the edge of the bed. She repositions the blanket over her shoulders, "Can I take the blanket?"

"Yes, whatever helps you feel comfortable."

She nods and a faint smile appears on her lips. She tentatively puts pressure on one foot, then the other, and slowly leans forward into a standing position. She looks over at Damion, and then Mulsae before carefully taking the few steps to reach the end of the bed.

"Would you like to choose a new tunic to wear?" Mulsae gestures at the open wardrobe.

She takes a few gentle steps toward the wardrobe, then stops. She tilts her head, "It's all black."

"If you look closely enough, you could see dark indigo," Damion huffs a soft laugh. "It's a Water Sanctum thing."

"I'm sorry about the lack of choices," Mulsae adds.

A smirk tugs on Hanna's lips, "It's okay. Any tunic is good enough."

Mulsae fingers through the tunics and picks a long one with some silver waves embroidered on it. He hands it to her and she accepts it with awe. She runs her fingers over the embroidery and whispers, "It's beautiful." Mulsae smiles, "I'm glad you think so."

She clutches the tunic and glances up at Mulsae and then Damion again. She takes a few tentative steps toward the bathing chamber. She opens the door then turns to look at them again.

"I'm sorry the door is broken and can't be locked. But I promise we'll respect your privacy."

She nods then looks into the bathing chamber and back at Damion and Mulsae. She finally deems it safe enough to sidestep into the bathing chamber and close the door after her.

Damion exhales beside the fire and stretches out on the floor again, arm flung over his eyes.

Mulsae stares at the closed door, mind a tangle of relief and dread. He's grateful she trusts them enough to bathe. He's terrified of what comes next.

What happens when she sees the audience chamber again? What happens when the Harmonarch demands a performance? For now, he lets himself sit in that quiet moment. One breath. One step. That's all any of them can do.

=*=

Hanna is sitting in the chair next to the small low table delicately eating dinner. She's still wrapped in the blanket, but she is walking around. Damion sits in the other chair, and Mulsae is leaning against the foot of the bed holding his dinner plate as he eats. They eat quietly, no one having anything to say because they're all feeling the same heavy weight of Zudaeshi's expectations.

Hanna finishes eating and sets her chopsticks down with a gentle click against the porcelain plate. She sits up poised, carrying herself with the quiet control of practiced diplomacy. "What is going to be expected of me?"

Mulsae and Damion look at each other, and Mulsae takes a deep breath before putting his plate down on the bed. "The Harmonarch believes that Garrick is in love with you. And the Harmonarch is in love with Garrick, so she's very jealous."

She pulls the blanket tight around her shoulders, "Will she hurt me?"

"I hope not," Mulsae rushes to say, but then the truth comes out more slowly, "But it is possible she'll hurt you." Hanna takes a shaky breath but nods her understanding.

Mulsae's throat bobs as he swallows, "I am guessing she intends more to humiliate you. To parade you around in front of Garrick... and everyone else." Hanna takes in a sharp breath, then lifts her chin and settles into practiced composure.

"She'll expect me to put a collar on you and lead you by a leash," Mulsae says. His skin starting to burn from shame.

Her eyes widen as she lifts a hand to cover her mouth. She freezes a moment, but then lowers her hand and swallows as she nods, "Okay."

"As the role of a pet," Damion says gently, "My job is mainly to follow Mulsae around and not speak. It's actually pretty easy. Boring, but easy." Hanna nods slowly.

"The hardest part is kneeling for long periods of time, especially when there isn't a cushion under my knees. But generally Zudaeshi, the Harmonarch, provides cushions when she expects me to kneel for a long time."

Damion takes a deep breath, "The other humiliating thing that took me the longest to accept," he swallows, "Mulsae will feed you from his chopsticks while you're kneeling at his side." Hanna's breath hitches. Mulsae rubs at his brow anxiously. "That was the most difficult for me," Damion slides his eyes to Mulsae and then back to Hanna, "He punished me because I refused."

Mulsae presses both palms into his eyes as he mutters, "I'm not going to punish you, Hanna. I'll show you what Zudaeshi expects, but it will be up to you to decide to do what she expects or not." He looks up at them, eyes rimmed in red, "But if you refuse an order or direction in front of Zudaeshi, she will likely order me to punish you. And... and I won't be able to refuse."

Hanna's eyes widen then return to normal as she nods, "I understand."

She looks to Damion, then to Mulsae, and back to Damion. "Why are you treating me better than you had treated Damion?"

Mulsae's breath hitches. Damion looks up at him. Hanna shifts her gaze toward him. They're staring at him. They're seeing right through him. Mulsae tries to speak clearly, but it just comes out as a whisper, "The experience changed me. I..." he bows his head and holds it in his hands, "I had allowed myself to become drunk on power. But Damion brought me back to life again," he looks up at Hanna with grief-stricken eyes, "But I've vowed to do better for him and my people."

Hanna wraps the blanket tighter around herself and nods. "Okay," she says again, then takes a steadying breath, "If this is going to happen, then I want to learn how to do it right. I don't want to make things worse." Mulsae looks up, startled. "Not because I agree with it," she adds quickly, "but because... I want to choose how I survive."

And suddenly, they realize: this girl may have been dragged here under terrifying circumstances, but her spirit is still her own.

She stands and readjusts the blanket around her shoulders, "But can we start tomorrow?" Her voice softens, "Tonight, could you read more again?"

=*=

5th day of the 7th moon, 1162 HC

Mulsae is wrapped around the toilet having just vomited. Damion and Hanna are carefully peeking into the bathing chamber to see what is happening to him.

He thought he was fine. They were just beginning. Just going over how to properly kneel. That's all. But then she knelt and looked up at him with those blue eyes. And Mulsae remembered. He remembered the first time Damion knelt for him. He had looked down and felt so satisfied. So powerful. So... aroused. His stomach churned and curdled at the memory and he dashed into the bathing chamber and vomited into the toilet.

Now he's panting over the toilet rim afraid to vomit again as memories swirl through his mind. Shame burns through his skin.

Mulsae bangs his head repeatedly on the rim, and Damion is at his side in an instant, "Don't hurt yourself," he says softly.

"Wha- what's wrong?" Hanna says nervously. She's not wrapped in a blanket. She was able to shed it this morning.

Damion looks over at her, "I think he's regretting what he did to me." Mulsae nods and rests his burning red cheek on the cool rim of the toilet.

Mulsae closes his eyes. This is all because he let himself slip after he ascended to Master. He let himself become corrupted. He ruined Damion, he failed his people, and now he's being asked to ruin and fail this innocent woman.

Mulsae's breath stutters. Another wave of nausea stirs, but he clamps his jaw shut and stays still, face pressed to the rim, the cold porcelain grounding him. Damion moves closer, crouching at his side again, steadying him with a hand on his back.

"You didn't ruin me," Damion murmurs, quiet enough that only Mulsae could possibly hear. "But you did break something. And now you're seeing it."

Mulsae squeezes his eyes shut. "I liked it," he whispers. "I liked it so much. That's what's making me sick."

"I know," Damion says.

Hanna steps into the room and lowers into a crouch on the tile, keeping a respectful distance. "So what happens now?"

Mulsae opens his eyes and stares down at the floor. "I can't do this again. I can't be the thing that ruins another person."

Hanna's brow furrows. "You think you ruined Damion?" Her gaze drifts to Damion. She studies him carefully. "You're not ruined," she says, her voice soft but firm.

"I'm changed," Damion says, looking back at her. "And I'm a better person than I used to be. It was a horrific journey, but I'm not ruined."

Mulsae lifts his head slowly. His eyes are red, his face blotchy with shame, but his voice is steady now. "Then I have to change, too," he says, "If I'm going to teach you how to survive... it has to be in a way that lets you stay yourself."

Hanna nods with understanding, "I'd like that."

Mulsae stays on the floor. He folds his arms, rests his forehead on them, and lets out a long, shaking breath. It's not redemption. Not forgiveness. But it's a start.

The only thing that is important right now is that he does better going forward.